I have learned the hard way that it is best not to argue with them about anything, let alone religion matters. They are preachers; they're shaped that way. Arguing with them won't give me any good anyway, so I learned to just bear with it. But this one thing really bothers me.
As I grew older, I realize that more and more people around me have come closer to their God; they become more and more religious as the day goes by. I don't really know what caused that; we're all in our 20s. Americans, in this case my American friends, do not get into that phase though. Well, maybe they weren't all that religious before, but so did many of my friends. Maybe it's the culture. I don't know, maybe.
As for me, I have my own relationship with my Creator, which I will not reveal in this post. It is extremely personal for me and I intend to keep it that way. But in general, I have never been a strong follower in practicing the rituals in my religion. Though, I believe it does not correlate with my beliefs; what I fundamentally believe in. I just don't practice the practical, that is all. One might think that it is impossible to truly devoted to the religion if one leave out the practical, but for me the level of relationship between God and His creation can not be defined in such a narrow view. It is extremely personal and intimate area in a human's life that can never really be measured.
In my 20s, of course, the topic of marriage and wedding has come around to the table. Quite often, actually. My girl friends and I often wander off to those topics; from our dream husband until motherhood; from dating place to (our) future kids education. Such topics never really exist when we were back in High school and for me it's almost like a wake up call. You're a grown up now. Time to really, really think about getting your life together.
Anyway, back to religion. As most of my friends are quite religious now, I realized that it is also affecting their view on marriage and finding a life partner. Girls want guys who would be their Imam, leading the prayers before them. Guys want a shalehah girls, who would be devoted to their husband and their family. In this writing I want to point out the second, how guys are now craving for shalehah bride.
There is nothing wrong with it, of course. Totally understandable, after all who wouldnt want a devoted wife? One that is devoted to God, to her husband, and to her future children. One that knows how to carry a graceful manner, speaks softly, glowing face and smile, a feminine, delicate flower. Wearing hijabs and covering her body curves. A pure flower that is reserved to just one man. Oh yes, we can see why the idea is so tempting for men. Especially those who know how a devoted wife could be a way to get closer to their God, as a good man who can lead his family to the goodness in life is truly blessed and relatively has a good chance to go into Jannah. I don't know what the verses from the Qur'an are, but that is generally the idea.
I am so angry at this concept of perfect wife.
Oh please. Spare me the hypocrisy. Do not tell me that you guys all want a shalehah woman. What you guys want are beautiful woman that happens to be shalehah or the other way around. The point is, physical beauty still plays a huge part for men in making decision which one of the women they're about to get married to. And I find that such a hypocrisy. How dare you wish for a shalehah woman with a beautiful features. A really beautiful concept of shalehah is being collaborated with the shallow, artifical perception of beauty.
When there are two shalehah women being compared. With the same level of devotion to God, the same gracious manner, the same kind heart, over all have a similar quality. The one thing that is going to separate them from being some man's wife is now who is the better looking between them.
It is understandable. I want to say it is natural, but the fact is I don't know. But I can understand if a man chooses the more attractive one to be his bride. It leaves me feeling devastated, though.
If in the end, if your physical look is what matters...then why even bother? Why pretend like beautiful is not a major factor for a man? Why the hypocrisy? Why are you putting up shalehah as one of the traits, yet acting like putting up physical beauty would make you shallow when in fact yes it matters to you!
Beauty is relative, they say. Maybe not so much. There are standard of beauty. I am talking physical here, because I think inner beauty is a complete bullsh*t. It's an excuse, a treat to help one feel better about themselves.
In the end, what's going to happen then for the inattractive shalehah women?
This writing may seem...jumpy? I wrote it in my phone and it's annoying so I can't really explore my thoughts. Overall this is kind of a rant I'm having after seeing someone's post.
And men, please grow up.