Take my hand...

Shall I stay

would it be a sin?

If I can't help falling in love with you

My Prized Possesion

Halo.

Beginilah, suntuk skripsian mari menulis hal lain yang tidak berbau skripsi.

Kali ini gue mau ngomongin one of my most prized possesion, my books.

I used to be an avid reader. Well, I think avid is an understatement. I love reading for as long as I can remember. Dari kecil, kesenangan gue adalah baca. Majalah, koran, komik, novel, pamflet, even neon signs toko-toko, you named it. Untungnya orang tua gue senang-senang aja mengakomodir hobi membaca gue. Randomly gue masih sangat ingat tiap kali ke mall gue harus wajib kudu ke toko buku and at least minta dibeliin satu buku. Begitupun kalo ke rumah sodara, pasti gue mencari bahan untuk dibaca. Reading was such a big part of my life.

(Sampe sini agak sedih karena mau gak mau harus pakai was di kalimat di atas)

Tiap kali ulang tahun, gue gak minta kado apa-apa. Gue hanya minta diajak ke toko buku dan dibolehin beli buku sepuas-puasnya :D Karena otak licik gue tau, kalo minta mentahnya bukunya pasti dapetnya terbatas muahahaha. Tiap tahun juga gue gak boleh absen pergi ke Pesta Buku yang di JCC/Istora itu, dan gue selalu ngabisin tabungan disitu. Iya lho, dulu gue nabung untuk beli buku. Salah satu ingatan termanis gue adalah pas SD, gue inget nabung untuk beli buku Lupus, sudah dua mingguan dan gue gak sabar pingin beli buku. Bokap gue pun ngajak gue ke Pasar Senen naik metromini untuk cari buku Lupus (karena Lupus pas itu emang udah gak masuk Gramedia). Dan yay terbelilah buku Lupus, sayangnya gue lupa yang mana muahahaha. Tapi masih inget banget pas gue baca di halaman sebelum bab I nya (yang si Hilmannya suka nulis satu-dua kalimat ituloh) itu tulisannya kurang lebih gini " Buat kamu yang udah rela nabung buat beli buku ini". Kyah! Bisa kebetulan gitu.

Anyway, talking about Lupus, ternyata itu seri seru juga buat di analisis. Separate post coming your way!

Pertemanan gue sama Dira juga awalnya berkembang gara-gara buku. Yes, karena jaman dulu gue kurang modal (sekarang juga h gak modal sih) jadi hobinya pinjem buku sama Dira yang sama-sama doyan baca. Pinjem-pinjeman buku ini berlangsung dari SD sampe SMA, walaupun pas SMA udah mulai berkurang intensitas pinjem-pinjeman buku dan berganti dengan pinjem-pinjeman film/series. Hahahaha

Liat-liat blog archives, ternyata gue sering juga nulis tentang buku di blog ini. Ada di sini, sini, sini, dan sini . 

Alasan kenapa gue tiba-tiba nulis tentang buku sebenernya bukan karena cuma gara-gara lagi suntuk skripsian. Tapi karena somehow tadi gue ended up buka hashtag #jualbuku di Instagram dan lihatlah gue orang-orang yang pada menjual bukunya. Dan gue jadi mikirin buku-buku gue di lemari, yang btw udah lama banget gak diupdate isinya semenjak gue mulai memilih untuk baca buku aslinya (non terjemahan) dalam bentuk ebook...which is, 4 tahun lalu dimana gue mulai nyaman baca ebook di iPod gue. Aneh ya baca di iPod? Tapi gue kok suka ya. Kalo pake tablet berat, gabisa sambil guling-guling. Kalo di komputer nyalainnya aja males. Kalo di HP, sayang boros batere.

Anyway, back to topic. Iya, gue jadi mikirin. Kok mereka pada rela ya jual-jualin buku. Me? Not a chance. 

a glimpse of my library

Gue sadar banget sih frekuensi baca buku gue udah turun jauh banget. Sampai pada point dimana gue sekarang gak yakin buku apa yang terakhir gue baca sampe selesai; rasanya sih bukunya Gillian Flynn ya. Ketertarikan gue sama buku juga udah jauh banget. Setelah buku, gue terobsesi sama film dan series. Dan sekarang, most of my time dihabiskan untuk bahas make up and beauty. Dan toko buku bukan lagi tempat yang wajib gue datangi.

Sedih. Iya, sedih, kenapa gue gak bisa mempertahankan antusiasme membaca gue kayak dulu, padahal gue ada di titik kehidupan dimana banyak baca buku bener-bener bisa takes you further in life. 

Tapi gue gak bisa bohong kalo buku-buku gue yang tersusun rapi di lemari buku depan kamar itu masih menempati posisi sebagai my most prized possesion. Gue gak keberatan kalo harus jual produk-produk makeup gue, tapi buku-buku gue gak akan pernah gue jual. They're my prized possesion.

I love my books. Whether they're rugged and written all over or pristine and still have sharp edges. Sayangnya gue telat sadar kalo buku tuh MAHAL dan harus disayang. can you believe it gue dulu doyan gambar-gambar dan coret-coret dan GUNTING-GUNTING cover buku Harry Potter gue. Buku 1-4 itu udah gembel banget semua, baru buku 5 (yang keluar pas SMP kayaknya, udah gedean dikit) dan seterusnya yang lumayan cantik. I love all my books. Dari teenlit klasik angkatan pertama ( Dealova, Me vs High Heels, Cewek Mall, etc), Lupus lama, Kariage Kun (!), my PRIZED POSSESION OF COMPLETE SET OF THE PRINCESS DIARIES SERIES ( which was on my wishlist 6 years ago), of course my Harry Potter, Twilight series (with boxes dan foto-foto, belinya set because no matter what people said Twilight is a very well written series (let's leave the whole feminist argument out of the frame for now)), dan The Godfather - Mario Puzo terbitan Gramedia yang entah dari kapan gue udah ngemis-ngemis di twitter Gramedia minta diterbitin ulang. Satu koleksi gue yang entah ada dimana sekarang, gue juga gak inget kenapa bisa hilang semua, adalah Kumpulan Cerpen Bobo. Sedihnyaaa. Padahal ceritanya bagus-bagus banget.

Bottom line is, I love my books. Even though I barely touch them anymore.

Maybe because they remind me of the person I used to be? I don't know. I'm not sure.

Gue rindu terhanyut dalam bacaan (yang ternyata ada penjelasan ilmiahnya ). Gue rindu masa-masa di mana gue bisa bener-bener gak ngapa-ngapain; bahkan ngelirik hp pun enggak, pas lagi baca buku yang seru. Gue kangen masa-masa dimana gue deg degan sama kelanjutan buku sampe balik halamannya aja takut (yes, I am cupu like dat). Gue kangen nangis sedih atau bahagia ngikutin tokoh dalam bukunya (waktu baca Ayat-Ayat Cinta gue beneran pengen ikut sujud syukur pas Fahrinya bebas) 

Kayaknya gue harus memacu diri untuk rajin baca lagi deh. Buku apapun, fiksi atau non fiksi (walaupun lately gue mulai berusaha untuk baca non fiksi). I will try to balance out my spending on make up with spending on books.

Wish me luck!

Want. Need.

When my favorite beauty guru Tati mentioned Marc Jacobs Eyeshadow Palette in one of her video (I think it was the Perfect Palette Tag video or something) I was intrigued. She loves the palette because it's very compact yet still have this elegant and effortless design. So Marc, right. Also the quality of the shadows is through the roof, woop.

So when I paid a visit to Sephora at Plaza Indonesia, I stood over at Marc Jacobs' collection shelf for sometimes, swatching a few things. And I. FELL. HEAD OVER HEELS. WITH. THIS. BEAUTY. RIGHT HERE.

Marc Jacobs Style Eye-Con No. 7 Plush Shadow in The Lolita 206
 

So so beautiful. The shadows are so smooth and buttery and creamy I don't know it's just that good. I have Lorac  that everybody seems to love, Lorac shadows are also buttery and creamy but not as smooth as this Marc Jacobs right here. Even when swatched it glides so effortlessly and sitting oh so prettily on the back of my hand. I want to own one someday. I want The Lolita and The Lover. Both are so beautiful.

Priced at $59, it is way up there for [only] seven shadows, but hey this is Marc Jacobs. 

Someday, baby, someday. I'll have you in my life.

Toodles and kisses,

Nadia

Current Beauty Wishlist

Sunday Riley Skin Care 

picture taken from here

I have my eyes set on the Ceramic Slip Cleanser and Good Genes. I'm not an oil person, so I'll pass on the oils. I heard so many great things of these products and so keen to try! I'm still saving up my money, though, considering they are pricey as hell :/

 Oscar Blandi Volumizing Dry Shampoo Spray

from here 

I have the flattest hair ever. It got no volume and very thin and flat. My oily scalp only makes things worse, and since I try not to shampoo my hair every day (because of something my momma said about too many chemicals and stuff), dry shampoo is my savior for the day after I washed my hair. Currently I'm using the drugstore dry shampoo, Batiste, and it works okay for me. This item is said to work wayyyy better product than Batiste, that is why I put it here in this list.

Sigma Beauty Eye Brushes

source

For some reasons I am not very interested in their face brushes, I don't know, I have Real Techniques and ELF Brushes to apply my make up at the moment and I am fairly satisfied with their performan-ce. Besides I am also keeping an eye at the Beauty Blender and I think I'll be all set once I get it in my hands. But for eye brushes, it's a whole different story. The only decent eye brushes I have are EcoTools Duo Eyes Enhancing Sets which are two brushes with four brush heads; yes they are dual ended brush. I finally realized that every eye brush have their own function and one just cannot justify using other brushes to fulfill one's job. It can be done, yes, but it won't be as good. And Sigma is raved by so many frickin people and I heard the quality is amazing. Zoeva is also said to have good brush but Sigma Beauty have the it-factor, I want these brushes SO BAD.

Guerlain Meteorites Perles Teint Rose

Claimed to give an illusion of glow from within, I am sold. I want want want this. I could never afford it probably but hey, that's why this post is titled Wishlist, LOL. I never really got attracted to these beautiful pearls before, not until I saw how beautiful a highlighter is when used properly in one's face. I love all the shine. But then it's not enough, I want glow. And then I research a lot and fell in love with Guerlain Meteorites's review. Besides...look at that packaging. So beautiful please come to mi vanity, won't ya?

Too Faced Cocoa Contour Face Contouring and Highlight

It smells like chocolate. The packaging is cute, the color selection is great, it comes with a cute fluffy brush, it has great reviews. What more could I ask?

I think it's all for now, I sure have many more but I'll break it down to couple posts!

Love,
Nadia

Thoughts on Nosy People and Religion

I can never understand why people are so nosy about others' religious activity and/or affiliation and/or perspective.

I am a student of this one lecturer who has been getting many controversies from what he said on the media, specifically from what he wrote on his page, like status update or just a few short captions on the news/article he shared on his page. I will not mention who he is; as there are haters probably obsessively googled his name every so often and I simply don't want them to stop by and read my thoughts here. My blog, my authority, so f*ck off.

I just paid a short visit to his page and saw many mean comments. Like, really mean, condescending comments. Calling him names. I should mention that most of his controversial statement is religion-related, which I could never understand why he kept doing it over and over, but hey, it's his right to say whatever he wants to, just as it is the haters' right to leave any comments on his page. But freedom of speech yadda yadda is not my point here. I am talking about the attitude.

Growing up with a very cool parents, I think I do quite well in the area. As in, knowing which attitude is bad and which is okay, or even nice to have. But nosy has never been on the side of "good attitude" why? Because it is common courtesy, it's basic logic in my opinion (psychology majors would you please explain?) that being nosy, especially for private matters, is not nice. It's basic etiquette that I believe, sourced from one's understanding of what ethics means. Conclusion : if you can't differ between good and bad attitude, you probably have a very low understanding of basic ethics.

Some people may argue that when it comes to religion, there are different sets of ethics applied. Some may even believe that it is their duty to "straighten" one's thoughts that is considered "deviant". But I really really don't think so. Religion, no matter what it is and what the details in the holy book said, is centered on one thing : kindness. Be kind. Be nice to people. Sure there are verses about beheading and killing so called "kafir" (which made me think of how much of a hypocryte many people are, one day they're saying that it's all in God's will, God knows best et cetera, but the next day decided for themselves that in fact, they know best, which reflected in what they said and claimed). But come on, really guys? You think religion should be all about the punishment from God? About avoding sins and preventing others from committing sins? Whatever happens to loving God for all His grace and gifts?  What the hell ever happens to CREATE PEACE BETWEEN HUMANKIND?

All you guys do are fighting. What? It's jihad? Fighting for the pride of Islam and standing for God's and the Prophets teachings? Since when doing so is translated into : Hey guys let's trash this one guy's facebook timeline, he said *wrong* things about Islam we should teach him to think straight and read more and do taubat!

What the hell ever happens to sharing beautiful article and news about how Almighty our God is. I really do love those articles. Makes me feel small and aware of my place in the universe. All I see today is so called writings about human committing sins and God punishes them in some way. Geez, I didn't know that religion is that scary. I guess I prefer to imagine Allah in all His asmaul husna, those beautiful traits of my God who is very nice and forgiving and Almighty and loving and yeah. Sometimes I do get jealous when my Christian friends share scripts and verses about love, "kasih". Why can't people on my timeline share those things too,about Allah's love? About making peace and be kind to one another? About how to live our life in peace by following His teachings and Prophets way? The beautiful stuff about Islam, please!

(Or maybe I just need a different set of people on my timeline)

Besides, religion is a very private things. I do not believe in intervening in other people's process of being religious. It's okay and it's nice to get advice on what to do to improve my acts, but other than that please just don't.

For a very (appearance - wise) not religious person I wrote a lot about religion here. I wonder why.

I have to admit,

You are not healthy for me.

Not because of you, you,

But because of my lack of logic

and the weakness of my chromosome

you are not healthy for me.

I shall go away, make distance, and start ignoring you

despite how much I enjoy talking to you and spend time with you,

you are not healthy for me.

and I own my fault, my mistake, my weakness,

May you be happy and joyful always.

My apologies,

I am such a judgmental bitch.

I judge, yes I do. A lot.

I am quick to put people aside.

And once you're on "that side", good bye. Chances are, I will never like you. Ever.

Yes, I am that sure.

Why?

Because I am such a judgemental selfish bitch.

Thoughts of Being Productive

What does 'a productive day' mean to you?

How do you define 'being productive' ?

What are the measures?

My definition on being productive changed a lot over the years. Back in the high school, the word being productive means absolutely nothing to me. Why? Because my days were full of school and friends and drama and so on and so on. I didn't care much about target. All I cared about back then was to have fun while still manage a good grade ( which was quite easy, don't ask why, it needs a long explanation about this country education system). The word 'seize the day!' or carpe diem only meant fancy words to put on your tshirt or something. 

It is different now. 

As I'm getting closer to the last semester in college, I realized that I needed work experience to 1.) Put on my resume 2.) Gain experience before work 3.)Networking, networking, and networking. So I applied for internship slot at this one company; which I have to say, is pretty cool. They do the work that I actually want to, and keen to do, after I graduate. So when I got the job, I was thrilled! There was a voice in the back of my head tho', saying this is my last long-break as college student; where I could've spent it traveling or whatever, but I chose to do internship instead. But then, whatever, The last two long-break I had, I spent most of the days at home, devouring series and movies. Did some volunteering, too, but just for one or two day. So I was glad that I wouldn't be doing that anymore, instead I could get productive at the office!

The work load is not that high; most of what I had to do at the office could be done in an hour or two, but I had a whole workday to finish that. I assisted the consultants sometimes with little things. On a slow day, I usually browse for my thesis material, or of course, mingle at FemaleDaily haha (btw, I'm a citizen now! Whoa!). I took notes when I notice anything that I learned that day; from new phrases in mining industry, universal phonetic code, until general reminder like pay attention to details. Then I go home taking the omprengan . 

On the first two weeks of internship I was so proud that I was so productive; I woke up early, went to the office, did my job, and I got home at the evening. Sleep, and do that all over again. I didn't have time to slack around, I was using the most of my time at home to get as much sleep as possible and to do what needs to be done (i.e : putting masks on, skincare routine, etc). I wanted to give myself a pat on my back,  you did good, Nad, you're being productive! Kudos!

But then on a slow day, third weeks into internship, I was sitting in the omprengan on my way home, minding my own business. Suddenly it hit me. I haven't done anything today. It was a slow day at work, no consultants asked for my assistance, so I just did my usual job until it's time to go home.

I did something, didn't I? Then why the heck I had that feeling that I haven't done anything that day?

I looked into my purse, and noticed my Gogirl! Agenda sitting there. I couldn't remember the last time I wrote something in there. And I think, that is exactly the problem.

I didn't learn anything that day.

Learning is a big part of being productive. For me. When you just get by each day by doing your job BUT you learned nothing, then the day is wasted. And I had been doing that for sometimes; I didn't learn anything. I just came to the office, turned on my PC, and did my job. And that's all. No mental notes even made. I wasn't being productive; yes, I did my job, but then again machines also got their job done. I am a human blessed with brains, why the heck I didn't utilize it properly? I'm not a machine. I need to use my brain to keep learning and learning. When I stopped learning, that is the moment I stopped being productive.

So yeah. Learn something everyday, good people. We're blessed with this amazing brain, so we might as well make the best out of it.

Anyhoo, happy Eid!

Good Time

When I have my own place,

I will invite my friends. One group at a time.

(Yes, I am blessed with so many friends from many different circles)

I will serve them iced tea in a clear pitcher
Fragrant from the lemon slices

As they chat over the iced tea,
I will be busy preparing appetizer. Cutting, assembling, presenting.

As they munch on the appetizer, I move forward to start cooking main course. Stirring, checking, flipping, shaking.

And I will serve them a garden in a big wooden bowl, fresh and crunchy.
And I will fill their plate with creamyness, juicyness, and umami.

((Refilling the iced tea))

As we chat about life, love, work, career, family, philosophy,

I will be scooping and plating
Smooth, rich, decadent.

Good time with good friends. I can taste it. I can feel it. I can smell the flowers in the vase I put on top of the fridge. I can feel the heat radiate from a good friend. I can feel the tingling; I want to laugh at the yet unknown joke at the time.

Ah, life. I can't wait to embrace you.

Flower Power

I was just blogwalking on Tumblr, scrolling through my endless dashboard when I encountered this one post, containing pictures of rare flowers. Rare, exquisite, delicate flowers. These are few of my favorites :

come on. like seriously? SO DAMN PRETTY.

Then, I suddenly brought back to my Singapore trip earlier this year, when I visited Flower Dome at Gardens By The Bay. Have you been there? It's absolutely magnificent. I won't say it's the best (yes, I am still disappointed I couldn't find lilac there) but it really is a beautiful space.

I remembered how I separated ways with my three friends, mainly because they wanted to take pictures with all those flowers, and I just had no patience to move that slow just to take picture. So I went on my own, with my camera, capturing all those lovely flowers in all their own glory in frame.

in the CNY theme

So then after walking so much ( I even went to the top floor, where they have collections of South Africans plants like Baobabs) of course I got tired. So I went back to the one of the area (they separated the areas, like Australian, South American, dll.) and just sat there, alone. It was one of the quietest corner, not many people walked in, so I had my quiet moment to reminisce, to think, to wonder.

I remember how cool the air was, and the lighting was just perfect, not too bright yet not too dim either. I lightly massaged my tired feet, while still looking around, at all those pretty pretty colorful flowers.

How could something so lovely, so delicate, and so gracious, grow from the old, boring, dark soil?

How could they emerge into such a beautiful presence?

How could they stay so pure, so divine, in this messy, corrupted place we call earth?

Then it hit me.

Because the flowers are gift. From Mother Earth. From our Creator. 

Flowers are a solid proof how this world works from the very beginning. Hard work, devotion, commitment...  they never go unrewarded.

I remember as a kid, the kiddie magazine my parents bought subscription for me gave flower seed as their weekly bonus ( I think it was Zinnia Flowers, but I can't really recall, all I know is there's a Z in the name). I was so excited, I wanted flowers even though at that time, we didn't have a garden at home, just a couple potted plants in front of the house. I tried to  grow the seed, and yeah, since I was a kid, I didn't pay attention, and the Zinnia never even emerged from the soil (sorry!). 

I can only imagine the amount of time, mind, soul, and even money spent on growing all those flowers, let alone the maintenance. My visit to Flower Dome gave me newfound respect to all the gardeners, farmers, or basically, everybody who has that level of love, patience, and devotion, to grow and nurture something to life. 

How happy must they feel when the flowers finally bloom?

Ah, I can only imagine.

Oh, how I long to have the patience, the tenacity, the commitment in me, to do something like growing flowers. I'm working on it. Still and will always be working on it.

Isn't it amazing how God always manage to remind us about his Greatness? 

Did they not look at the earth - 

how much We have produced therein from every noble kind?

Indeed in that is a sign, but most of them were not to be believers.

[QS. Ash - Shu'ara, Verse 7-8]

And that there is not for man except that [good] for which he strives

And that his effort is going to be seen -

Then he will be recompensed for it with the fullest recompense

[QS. An - Najm, Verse 39 - 41]

CM

CM?

Yes, CM as in campaign manager.

Pertama kali gue denger istilah ini adalah ketika join di timses Bara - Iki #BA1K tahun lalu. Untuk pertama kalinya gue lihat kerja di balik layar orang-orang yang melakukan kampanye. Well, it was more than just a campaign. The team was prepping Bara & Iki, literally. From the inside and the outside. Taking care of them. I was lucky to witness it first hand. Masih teringat percakapan dengan Kak Hanif waktu selesai nonton pertandingan futsal di FIB, waktu gue cerita bahwa gue gabung di timses BA1K. Kak Hanif bilang, pengalaman gabung di timses itu adalah kesempatan belajar yang sangat luas. Dan gue mengangguk-angguk setuju sama perkataan beliau. Dan gue memang belajar banyak sekali dengan melihat timses BA1K. Terimakasih ya, Kak Bara dan Iki yang ngasih kesempatan untuk gue belajar di timsesnya :")

Dan tahun ini, gue berkesempatan untuk belajar lagi. Dengan gabung di timses pemenangan untuk ketua BEM FISIP UI 2015. Kali ini berbeda....karena gue CM nya.

(penting)

Kalo dari hasil pengamatan gue nonton series House of Cards, presidential campaign itu dimulai sejak jauuuh- jauh hari dengan perencanaan yang maksimal, even years before the actual election year. Sayangnya pada realita gue di level FISIP UI, cuman seminggu aja loh! Yes, seminggu. And I was asked to join the team, literally on the very last day before the campaign week started. Gila, iya gila. Gila dari team Pemilihan Raya (Pemira) nya, gila juga dari gue yang ngeiyain waktu itu. Dengan posisinya adalah, gue tau si calon ketua (sebut saja K) hanya sebagai fellow colleague dan si calon wakil ketua (sebut saja P), bener-bener enggak kenal. Familiar sama namanya aja enggak. Maklum gue cupu di pergaulan kekampusan. 

Akhirnya setelah ngobrol-ngobrol singkat, gue menanyakan motivasi and so on and so on, akhirnya gue mengiyakan. Trus ngacir pulang ngejar kereta karena harus nebeng nyokap.

Minggu depannya, dimulailah perjuangan. I worked with people I never knew before, like, literally. Tugas CM ternyata seabrek ya, walaupun ujung-ujungnya ya pasti gue delegasikan. I was a very obnoxious person during that week. Proteeees mulu sama Pemira nya, walaupun in my defense, ya memang mereka perlu diprotes. Mulai dari ngejagain bocah K dan P, prepping materials for them, dengan mempertemukan mereka sama orang-orang hebat dan sesepuh-sesepuh dunia organisasi kampus, protes-protes ke Pemira, koordinasi sama teman-teman hebat yang mau bantu dengan kampanye personal, pemetaan suara, ngawasin gerakan lawan, materi kampanye fisik seperti baliho, spanduk, dll dsb, sampe strategi kampanye di dunia maya. It was damn exciting but so. f*cking. exhausting. 

K dan P. Gue gak kenal deket sama mereka, bahkan bukan gak deket lagi, gak kenal malah. And yet, gue harus dobrak perasaan-perasaan gak enak. Sejujurnya bukan ngedobrak sih, lebih ke, I don't have time to even worry about their perceptions of me. Ya sudahlah. Walaupun pencitraan yang gue harapkan gak terlalu terpenuhi akibat mereka berdua susah bener disuruh mandi (true story), tapi pada akhinya gue sangat bangga sama progres mereka selama jangka waktu tersebut. Dengan waktu tidur mereka yang kurang, trus gue gangguin melulu suruh mandi lah, suruh belajar sama tim pemateri lah, dll, dsb. Trus, gue agak terlalu fixated sama drilling, alias mereka berhadapan sama orang-orang terpilih buat 'dicecar' . Intinya sih, untuk menggali mana yang masih kurang. Drilling sesi 1, terjawab lah. kurang banget. Baik dari segi materi maupun hal-hal trivial kayak postur tubuh, kebulatan suara, sampai cara orasi. Huhu. Waktu itu sih masih ketawa-tawa, tapi dalam hati deg-degan juga. Biar gini-gini juga gue punya idealisme dikit, gue nggak mau menangin mereka kalau mereka memang belom siap. Therefore, they had to be ready to lead. And it was part of my responsibility to prep them. 

Di minggu panjang itu, gue bergantung setengah mati sama orang yang namanya Kak Ghana. Dikit-dikit galau, dikit-dikit curhat minta masukan. Soalnya beliau sabar bener nanggepin gue huahaha dan semua kegalauan yang seharusnya CM gak boleh miliki. Di salah satu chat, gue ngomong

Lagian aku gak mikirin menang. Aku mikirin maksimalin semua potensi K dan P aja.

Dan Kak Ghana respon, Yah jadi gak nyari menang? Conversation end.

Lah?

Dia nanya, yakin gak sama mereka? Yakin.

Yakin gak? Yakin.

Kalo apa yang mereka bawa gak kejadian kesel gak? Kesel.

Ya udah. Cuma menang yang bisa bikin semua itu kejadian.

Darn. Agak tertabok dikit. Iya. naif banget ya gue kalo jadi CM tapi gak ngincer menang. Sejak saat itu gue jadi ambi kemenangan. WK.

Kemudian, datanglah drilling sesi 2. Kali ini gue cukup jahat, ngegabungin 5 sesepuh sekaligus untuk drilling K & P. Alhasil habislah mereka malam itu. Akhirnya karena mereka kelelahan fisik dan mental, akhirnya disudahi sesi drilling nya. Barulah abis itu gue ngobrol sama 5 panelis drilling malam itu, dan sukses jadi galau. Karena sesi drilling yang gue harapkan bisa membangun mereka, malah ada potensi bikin mereka makin down. Seharian kepikiran, sampe akhirnya meledak di siang hari di salah satu pojok Takor. Nangis mewek gak abis-abis. Cengeng ya gue.

Gue bisa bilang minggu kampanye itu salah satu minggu tergila dalam hidup gue. Minggu dimana gue kayak zombie. Trus bolot banget pula. Pernah, gue saking masih capeknya itu badan, mau naik kereta ke kampus pagi-pagi dari Duren Kalibata. Mesen tiket harian kan. Pas di kereta mikir, kenapa hari ini rasanya kata-kata 'Universitas Indonesia' belom gue sebut ya? Setelah gue inget-inget, gue mesen tiketnya ke Tebet rupanya. Dodol berat. Pantesan tiketnya cuma 2000. Setelah panik-panik lucu akhirnya cuma angus aja tiket jaminannya. Trus penampilan gue ga ada keurusnya sama sekali. Nyisir ngaca secukupnya aja. Kebanting banget sama CM tim sebelah yang cantik dan segar hahaha. Mana ngampus sering pake sendal jepit aja. Tidur di kampus melulu sampe salah nyebut ruang BPM jadi "kamar". Materi kuliah masuk kuping kiri keluar kuping kanan. Makan seingetnya aja, terharu hampir mau nangis waktu dibeliin tahu jeletot sama Chika dan Icha pas debat kandidat. Kepikiran mulu bakal menang apa enggak. Ah.

Tapi semua kelelahan itu terbayar dan gak sia-sia. Gue bener-bener belajar banyak dan dapet pengalaman yang gak mungkin tergantikan. Pelajaran berharga banget. Sekaligus bikin takut sama dunia perpolitikan. 

Sebenernya banyak yang mau diceritain, tapi karena udah lama jadi lupa huft.

Buat K&P, semangat menjalani masa satu tahun kepengurusannya yaa!