Hey You!

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Jakarta, Indonesia
a sucker for city lights.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

More on Life

It's June already!

Wow. It's been a year since I got back home from my amazing, life-changing exchange year in the U.S. A lot of things have changed in my life ever since. Just thought I'd put some updates of my current life on here :)

1. Graduated high school.
    Finally! I'm done with high school, forever. It was dull and not too appealing at first-considering the fact I just came back from an adventure and all my friends have gone to college- but it turned out just as good as how I picture my senior year would be like. I made new friends, we had fun, I got some pretty okay grades, but the bottom line is I had fun! Graduation was okay because my mood swung back and forth (thanks to hormones) but I loved my hairdo and I am now tied to the salon I reserved for my graduation hairdo because  the place is just so cute and comfy and everything. My new favorite place to go on weekend :)

2. Yay future!
   Alhamdulillah, Praise Allah, I got accepted to University of Indonesia for Communication Science major. I am very excited to finally get to college. Some of my friends from AFS/YES are also in UI and I am just so happy to get to see them again, now on regular basis since we go to the same campus! Now I have more or less than two months of do-nothing since academic year will be started on late August. Gonna make it big, I swear.

3. Driving, oh yeah.
   It's probably nothing for some people, but it's not for me. Finally my parents let me drive on my own! I have my license since 2 years ago, but they never actually let me drive by myself. But finally yes,yes,yes and I love it. I love my me-time when I drive and put shuffle on my iPod (the only bummer is that I can't seem to connect my iPod to my car's speaker! But I'm grateful though that I can charge my phone and iPod on my car just because I can't on the other car, and for a lousy and a professional procrastinator like me it is really useful and handy because I can just charge my phone on my way to wherever I'm heading!). There's so many crazy adventures I had already, can't wait for what's coming next!

I think those are all the pretty major updates in my life for now. I'd love to write some books and/or movies review I've seen lately sometimes soon. Catch ya later!



Thursday, March 15, 2012

Just Breathe


As simple as it is. Just breathe.

I might be only eighteen but I've been going through shit that probably most of you never thought of. The kind of shit that keeps you up all night, wondering why are you even alive. The kind of shit that takes away your feeling and left you with nothing but emptiness; the kind of shit that dries your tears, and you don't even have desire to cry anymore. Yes, I've been through that.

It was probably the hardest part of my life so far. I was so far away from everyone I knew literally. They were either over 10000 miles away or, they were present but totally out of my space. I was sucked into a bottomless black hole.

I remember that night. The talk, and then I went to my room and sat on my bed. I only had one standing light in my room, I turned that on and I rolled my body, hugging my knees on my bed. I stared into blank spaces for hours. I watched the clock as it went on and on, I was just there, hugging my knees, feeling nothing. I couldn't cry and I didn't feel like crying either. I felt dead. I felt nothing. I felt empty. I breathe but I couldn't breathe. I couldn't taste the air, I couldn't feel the air ran down my respiration, I was weighed with this huge amount of burden, a burden that was a mixed of everything. Lots of negative words mostly. I couldn't breathe.

I tried to put some music on. I put on Fergie's Big Girls Don't Cry on repeat. I didn't cry. But I still couldn't breathe.

I couldn't breathe for days. I felt like a walking dead. I went on a walk, thought that I might finally be able to breathe, but even in my neighborhood with tons of trees that obviously produce oxygen and fresh air, I still couldn't breathe.

I went running. I gasped, I ran, I ran as fast as I can, hoping that after I ran out of air because of running I would taste the joy of breathing again. I fell on my knees, I sat on the grass, then I cried. I still couldn't breathe.

Not being able to breathe was rough. Nothing seemed to cheer me up. Nothing could make me my heart smile (just because it's too easy to put smile on my face, fake of course in case you're wondering) I felt so dead. I felt empty, yet so full of burden that kept me from breathing.

Then I went to my friends' house for a sleepover. We had good time. We ran, we went shopping, we took pictures, we had pizza. Lots of laughter, not sure was it forced or not, but I could say it was still comfortable for not-breathing mode-on me.

Next day we went to her relatives' house. They were complete stranger to me of course, maybe that's what I needed. We hung out on the balcony, slouching lazily on the hammocks, eating chocolate popsicles. It wasn't a chilly day, but the wind was nice enough to tickle our yawning reflex. I was so sleepy...I was tired. She started talking random things...rambling about this and that...but it was all beautiful, happy things. Between my heavy eyelids and the wind, it was almost like a dream.

Then we went down to the hill. There was a host. She had this crazy idea how if we took shower out here and I freaked out 'come on we're friggin eighteen and they're in the house watching us' but she didn't care. She splashed a huge amount of water on me, left me soaking wet from head to toe. I started laughing and revenged her. We ran around like a 5 years old until she laid on her back on the grass, and dared me to rolling down the hill. I didn't want to, but again she laughed so impulsively I did. I rolled down the hill, in my soaking wet clothes, in a nice windy and sunny afternoon in a place far far away from my home. I hit a bush of plants, I laughed so hard on what an idiot I was. She laughed. We both laughed until we're tired and ran out of breath.

"Just breathe," she said.
I smiled a little, then I did. I breathe.

I breathe.

I almost burst into tears when I felt that. When the weight were lifted off my shoulder, slowly, and disappeared. I felt the air inside me, I felt the relieve, I felt when I let go my breathe, I felt alive. I finally felt alive.

And that was all I did. Just breathe.

I learned that whenever I feel like I'm falling apart, just take a second, spare myself from the crowd, and just breathe. Just breathe. Don't think. Just breathe.

It works!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012


April is National Poetry Month in the United States and last April, as I took English class for my first block, we did poetry for a whole month. From reading, interpreting, until writing. It was a lot of fun, I should say. I read a lot of interesting poems in such a broad variety of topic, writing style, diction, imagery, even shape. And here, today, I will post some of my original poem that I made myself. Pardon my English, it's just for fun :)

(P.S : it's a series)
A Human’s Life

A series of poem about things and days

under the roof;

The Brush’s Tale

Ah, here she awake.

I know in a second she will be gone to the bathroom

she’ll rinse her lovely oval face

And unsoiled her small little mouth

she’ll put on her usual piece; denim and tee

and here she comes; she’ll come to grab me.

her marbly soft palm grips me tight

lifts me up to meet those my friends; who

nap and live on her top.

Hello good friends, let me untangled you

With my thin fingers and legs

Let me straighten through your jungle

That would adjoin charm and shine

to the lovely facade of yours

Breakfast Diary

Warm spicy air breathing in the air,waking

up sleepers from their temporary sweet doze

dancing utensils are all ready

those loved ones sit sweet and tight

Can we start eating yet?

Morning Conversation

“darling what’s your plan today”

“daddy I want more cereal”

“would you please hand me the butter?”

“this orange juice is so good!”

“…about last night….,”

“I love you baby.”

“I have to leave.”

“don’t forget your lunch sweety.”

“we need to talk.”

“will you marry me?”

Kiss and slaps, hugs and tears, together and apart

All comes in harmony with the clinks from the dancing utensils

Eulogy at the Door

" I love you"

An universal saying that epitomize every hidden fondness and showed off hatred

because it all roots to one whisper in their prayer : I care.

to be continued