Moving On

it takes courage
it takes strength
it takes true will
and it takes............time.

It's been a long four years since I met you.
I've never been in love before.
Yet, I might. But not the same like what I had with you.

You actually gave me butterflies.

You gave me pink blushes on my cheeks.

You made me secretly smile behind my book.

You made me doodling your name in every little spot in my notes.

You made me giggle like a little girl.

You made me spend more time in front of the mirror making sure my hair looks right.

You made me smile more than anyone ever did.

You made me whisper your name in my prayer.

You made me check my phone every few seconds, hoping for some updates :)

You made me feel so........alive.

Don't forget on how you made me cry.

How you made me shedding tears.

How you made me hate you.

How you made me feel so miserable.

How you trapped me to love you.

How you made me realize, none of those

was ever your fault.

We never had anything really.

We didn't talk. We didn't text. We didn't hang. We did nothing. We had nothing.

If we ever had anything....that probably only exists in my head.

But there is something that I keep from days to days.
From years to years.
Something special that always makes a smile drawn in my face.

I miss you.
I don't miss you everyday. Honestly, not even every weeks.
I admit that when I'm busy I don't remember you.
I don't actually think about you all the time.
I don't actually dream of you every night.
Just from time to time I knoe it's still there.

Yet I know you never think of me either.
Which is fine, since we never had anything, right? :)
We were just friends.
We were just classmates.
We were just acquaintance.

But you're more than that inside my heart.

You were special.

............And you still are :)

I've been trying to remove you.
I don't know why is it so hard.

Is it possible to love you when we're not even close?

It's been a long four years. And in three years, we haven't seen each other.

I have enough. I have waited too long. I've been crying too much. I've been wondering so much things that never gonna happen. I gotta move on.

It's gonna be tough.
It's gonna be hard.
It's gonna be painful.
But I assume, it'll be worth it.

:)

Remember me, will you?

Just a girl. Not even pretty. Not even attractive in any way.

Remember me as a friend of yours, will you?

Who used to love you. Who still has love for you. Who used to doodle your name in her wrist. Who used to whisper your name in her prayer.

"Sekarang aku tersadar,
Cinta yang kutunggu tak kunjung datang
Apalah arti aku menunggu bila kamu tak cinta lagi...."
- Raisa